problem solved

i cheered up. it helps. i found i was in serious danger of straying into dangerously melancholy emo mode and i have attributed my descent into a cloud of teenager-esqe self pity (im 23 for crying out loud) to the discovery of The Despair Squid (c) lurking in my room at uni. He was spraying his black ink of saddening around with reckless abandon, the recovering miroslav can back me up with this shit. However i discovered a few cups of booze juice can counter his watery evil. rejoice my friends he can be defeated!

its been two months since i blogged it up and i doubt very much that many people will actually be reading this, ive been cut off in terms of links to other blogs as im quite lazy and often forget to update, but here goes.

UPDATE

in keeping with various other blogs which i have read recently here is a small list of things that i could do with -

• some religion
• a loan (stupid brain making me not hand in my form)
• a cup of tea
• some food in my cupboards
• a shower
• more space in many different senses
• more bolloxs in order to do the things i want to do
• a reason to explain why im feeling a bit fed up

I have often thought about this and its linked i think to my above mentioned fed up-ness, i dont think im ever just happy to accept what ive got for very long, which is why i get very worried about the whole "being a real person" thing. If i look back to when i left college when i finished my a levels i did a year at work, then i went to uni for a year, then i went to work at a bar for a few months, then an office for a year and a half, then finally i went to uni properly, but every year at uni after a while i have wanted to leave and be a real person again. Or at least i think i do, i dont really think that i do its just that i have difficulty just focusing my mind on one thing for a sustained period of time. the only thing that im really much good at staying focused on for any real amount of time is girlfriends - 3 odd year relationships but then things go bandy, i just dont like settling for things, maybe its because i worry that ill be doing that one thing until i peg it. that worrries me. i find it very easy to remove myself from things like uni or work, that comes easy to me even though those decisions are rather important, i just cant dis-entangle myself from girls, whether i want to or not.